Working with metaphor to find one’s true self
Quite a few of my neurodiverse coaching clients have received their diagnosis of ADHD, autism or dyslexia in adulthood. They come to coaching because they want to develop coping strategies such as better time management or confidence at work. But I have observed that quite often this late diagnosis leads to anxiety about their identity.
Recently I was coaching someone who wanted to understand what stopped them from achieving as much at work as they knew they could. They felt inferior and were “playing the class clown” in order to cope.
I had known this client for a while and had enough background knowledge to gauge that exploring and finding a metaphor for ‘how they wanted to show up at work’ could be beneficial.
This particular session began with me inviting them to represent on paper who they are now. They were then invited to explore the relationship between now and their younger self. As the session developed, new insights emerged.
What came up for this client were individual metaphors for:
who they are now – “I feel encased in armour.”
who they were as their younger self – like Pippi Longstocking “adventurous, playful, brave, fearless and funny.”
In creating these metaphors the client had a safe way to express their feelings and gain more self-awareness. But this was only the first step on their journey to embodying a new identity. The metaphors still felt very separate and the next question was: “How do I become a grown up, stop making silly jokes? How do I find the personality where I'm comfortable with who I am?”
By exploring the nature of the relationship between the metaphors, a much bigger shift took place. A new image emerged, which incorporated important aspects of who they’ve been up to this moment and expressed the proficient adult they know they can be.
who they want to be – “someone who is confident, knows what they're doing, serious and playful at the same time.”
This was finally described as: “Someone who accepts all the parts of their personality as a part of them. A high level professional, trusted and respected by their peers who can still have a playful self within the team.”
Given time, the client felt they would grow to trust that this is who they truly are.
Using this creative mode of expression, combined with metaphor to bring things into awareness, clients can reach much deeper insights. This gives them confidence that they can have what they might have thought was impossible to achieve.
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